we are a low word count, any level of experience rp set in harry's 3rd year at hogwarts. students and adults alike are welcome! given we are set fairly early in the series, everything that happens from this point on will be up to us! perhaps sirius black will be cleared and peter arrested, or perhaps something darker lurks in the shadows...
He hadn’t realized how much of an impact he had made on her. Always a burden, or at least that’s how he felt. Then again, who was it that told him that? Oh right, his father had always treated him somewhat poorly and constantly got onto him about his condition. He knew his father hated what he had become but it was his fault to begin with – if he hadn’t insulted him… his life would be so much more different. But then again, he wouldn’t be him anymore. He’d be some other guy named Remus Lupin. He’d probably be a better person. And not a monster.
“It isn’t me. But it is not too far off of what I used to be. Unfortunately, I’ve grown up and I’m not quite as immature as I used to be.” If you could call running away mature. He mostly considered his hard time trusting people part of his maturity and the fact he wasn’t running right now and still was planning to teach despite all of this that was going on here. The fact he agreed to teach when Sirius Black, the man who had betrayed him and had his friends killed, could be coming to the school. In a way, he wanted to have revenge. In another way, he wanted to protect Harry from him. He didn’t understand how he could have been so fooled.
“Temptation is something hard to resist. There were many times I wanted to just come and take you away from… well your parents. However, I knew that was not something that should be done, and you should be raised by someone who was, well, whole. I had many times when I imagined how life could be if I had just given in…” He sighs and then looks at her with a serious look in his eyes. “You shouldn’t associate with me. You could get hurt.”
She sighed. Always so self-deprecating. It's okay, they'll get through it. She shook her head, "yeah, I know. You've become sad and lonely. But I want to help with that. I'm going to show you people want you around. Just wait until Fred and George figure out who you are." Hell, she was thinking of him again and the delighted expression Fred would make meeting Messer Moony. She took a sharp inhale of breath to calm her racing heart. Come on now Hunter now was not the time to be fantasizing. Stupid girl. She at this point, realized she had just randomly trailed off the conversation and probably had a faraway look in her gaze. She cleared her throat, hoping Remus wouldn't catch onto it. Ahem.
She knew his relationship with their parents were tense, but hearing that he wanted to take her away from them? It set things into perspective. She gave him a sad look. "Look, I know that things are rough between you, mom, and pops; and I don't claim to know what happened to cause this, but they were worried too. Especially mom; she... took full responsibility for the reason why you left. She understood why the letters were written to me only. even I to a point understand why things are so rough and I don't blame any of you. It'll take time, I'm sure. And... and I'm going to do my best to make you see that you are, in no way, a monster. And I take offence to that, by the way. I suffer and hide it too. To a point, at least."
She gave a small smile. "My housemates, in Ravenclaw; being Ravenclaws. Figured it out way too fast. I mean, I tried to make it as normal as possible. I would last until well after dinner and then have to suddenly call it a night. And then I was always late in the morning. I mean, it would take someone stupider to put two and two together. Most of them became fascinated with me." She shook her head. "Have to fight them off before questions become to intrusive. But what I mean is not everyone just automatically fears you. I didn't. I don't. Fred and George don't fear me. Not that I've told them anything, but they have... dropped hints that they've figured it out too. My point is, you will learn and see. Times have mostly changed."
Though, there was something that worried her. Dumbledore wasn't necessarily discreet about this, and Lucius knew and well. Yeah, Lucius knew about their family so only Rowling knows what they're planning. "Don't worry, I'll protect you."
“No.” Remus looked at her with a very firm look. “They shouldn’t be told that I helped create that map. Do you know what would happen next? They’d ask me who the others were. And what would I say? Oh, two of them are dead and the other is the mass murderer running around free right now? No. You are not to tell them anything.” He took in a deep breath and looked at her – sensing something was up. There was something there that was more than friendship. She wasn’t old enough to be in love with boys. No. That couldn’t be it. What else could that look mean? And if it did, who did he have to jinx?
“You’ve let others know? Do you have any idea – any idea at all – what that means for you? I’ve been able to skate by barely because no one knew for sure, because no one knows for sure really. Even then I’ve been struggling to get by. I barely can hold down a job. If people found out? I would be fired – or well I would resign before that had to happen. Maybe not everyone – but enough fear people like us, Rose. Enough people to make your life hell. You’ve been able to hide away here at Hogwarts where its nice and isolated – but out there? In the real world? You will never have a job. You will not be able to support yourself. You’ll have to depend on those around you to support you. I’ve barely been able to survive, Rose! You will learn and see – the hard way – that while I might not have been here isolated at Hogwarts, I’ve been out there with the majority of the wizarding world and how much people like us are hated!”
His anger was calm, not unlike that which he confronted her mother with after things happened with her. He wasn’t shouting or raising his voice, and almost sounded like a stern parent telling their kid not to eat toothpaste because it wasn’t good for them and then patting their head and getting them some ice cream. Patronizing, he was not trying to do, no, but that was how he always was when he was angry. Even when he was in school he had been that way and had a calm fury about him. Rarely did he ever yell or get so angry he wants to punch a wall.
“The more who know, the less of a life you’ll be able to live, Rose. I don’t need protecting. I can do that myself. You’re the one who needs to be saved, from yourself. You can’t be making these things so obvious.”
The dumb smile faded instantly. Part of her knew she was going to get scolded with how careless she'd been. Hell, she had TRIED to conceal it. Be the good girl she had to be. But, letting go and freedom was so much more liberating. She wasn't dead. No one had chased her out with pitchforks. But, within his scolding, part of it stuck with her. The part that kept her from being completely honest with the two people she holds close to her heart. The one person who claims he loves her even without knowing who she was. She frowned at Remus, knowing there was some truth in his words, but she refused not to give people a chance. Hell, she was even sure Draco, who would love to be able to know something like that and spread it like wildfire, knew and hadn't said a damn word.
Rose sighed again, he was serious, she knew this and she smiled at him. She loved her brother very much and in his anger, she could see the worry, how much he cared and... she felt better. This was the Remus she missed. He was still being self-deprecating, but who cares. She knew he means well. Part of her wanted to argue with him, but, she ultimately conceded by leaning forward and wrapping her arms around him again. Speaking softly.
"I'm sorry, I know I've been careless. I'll try harder. I understand what you're saying... that fear you're speaking of, keeps me from talking to the people who really mean something to me. I don't care what others think of me most of the time. But, I do fear some people finding out." A certain person, her mind supplies. She closed her eyes, sighing.
He wanted to reassure her – tell her everything was going to be alright, but she trusted him and he couldn’t lie to her. People like them… they didn’t – they didn’t have happy endings. And if she continued to think so optimistically it would just hurt when it all turned out badly. After all, that’s exactly what happened to him and he was worried about her falling just like he did. The crushing depression that came crashing down on him after everything that happened – the sadness that crushed him when he thought finally, finally he could be happy. The world said no, and he had come to terms with that. He couldn’t tell her something that wasn’t true, but he also didn’t want to make her sad.
“It’s not just you. It’s your parents,” Note how he said ‘your’ instead of ‘our’. Yeah, he was still upset with them. Very much upset. They were supposed to protect her and prevent this from happening again. They swore to him. They lied. And now his baby sister had to deal with all of this because of their impotence. “Do you know what would happen if people found out about me and I wound up going to their place? They’d be outcasts as well. Everyone who associates with you would be outcasts and while yes, its good to find people who won’t care, there won’t be very many, and those who don’t care would likely be targeted and killed because of you!”
She pulled away, her eyes narrowing, anger bubbling. No. Calm. His experiences have been different, can't be angry just because he's experienced something different. she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, but when she looked at him again, her eyes were stormy. "Look, don't think I don't know what you're trying to do, Remus. Don't think I haven't thought about these things, but you know what. I don't care."
She pulled away and stood up, eyes brimming with tears. "I understand what you're saying and what you're coming from, Remus. But the way I live my life and deal with this is my decision. Just like you made yours when you ran away. If you hadn't, if you hadn't run away, just because you were angry at our parents because you think they failed to protect me; you would see! And by the way, the reason I got bit is that I protected mom. He was going to attack her Remus! We were alone! What did you think I was going to do? Nothing?!"
She huffed, plopping down on the bench opposite him again.
He shook his head. She didn’t understand anything. But he wasn’t going to drag her down with him. He stood up handing the rest of the chocolate she had given him back and turned to get his suitcase. He didn’t even turn to look at her as he spoke. Forcing a tear that threatened his eye back, he pulled the case down.
“If you’re just going to ignore everything I say, then there’s no point in me being here. I’ll find somewhere else. Or just stay in the aisles.” He turned towards her a sad look in his eyes and he swallowed finishing up the bottle of potion in his hand and setting it on the ledge near the window. Didn’t he just say he wasn’t going to run anymore? Except to him this wasn’t running. This was protecting her. This was getting out of her face like she obviously wanted. This was doing what she needed the most right now, it wasn’t running away. Staying here would be running away from the problem and pretending things were just fine.
“I didn’t leave just because I was angry at your parents. I left because it was my fault. I left because as long as I was around, you would be in more danger. I left because you should hate me. Life would be so much easier for you without me. That’s why I left. It wasn’t because I was throwing a fit! It wasn’t because I was angry at your parents. I was angry at myself. I should’ve been there, and I wasn’t.” He didn’t have many belongings and they fit in his arms pretty easily and he looked at her with a small, sad, vulnerable look in his eyes. Exhaustion was radiating off him. He almost looked like he had been punched in the face given the circles under his eyes. “The way you iv your life and deal with this may be your decision but it affects everyone around you and you’re acting quite selfish.”
"I'm not ignoring it, I'm disagreeing with it!" her voice may be a little raised now, her left eye was twitching and she had half of mind to leave and go find Willow or something. She knew she was going to be furious. She just knew it was going to happen like this. She just wanted her brother back. But all he cared about was himself. Never mind her feelings. She should do things the way he did them. Because of what they were. Bullshit.
"MY LYCANTROPHY IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Fenrir Greyback is a monster that does bad things to good people. You, nor I, are monsters, we don't do bad things. This is a chronic disorder that we have, yes, been cursed with, and it will never go away. But it doesn't change who we are as people! You have never hurt anyone. I have never hurt anyone. Calling yourself a monster, only labels me one as well and I can say I wholly disagree with that statement. You for sure don't think I'm a monster right? I'm out to change the minds of the people. I don't want to run and hide. If feeling safe only makes me feel lonely, I won't accept it! I can't! And if I happen to somehow tell people, or if they figure it out, or find out, what I am, and they run away or avoid me, then so be it. They weren't meant to be close to me anyway if a once-a-month sickness affects their opinion of me as a person."
She was so overcome with emotions that she was physically shaking. She couldn't stand anymore. She had to sit down before she passed out or something. She lowered herself with a thump to the bench again and when she looked up at him again. "If-"
She took a deep inhale, steadying her voice even if there were tears running down her face. "If you walk out that door Remus John Lupin, you will accomplish the one thing you wanted out of this mess of a conversation. If you walk away from me tonight, I won't be able to keep promises. I will hate you. If you really, truly, want that, go ahead and walk out that door."
She took another steadying breath, regretting her next move. "If you want to disappoint me. If you want to disappoint James and Lily. If you want to leave me, go ahead, walk out that door."
Another deep breath. "I'm being selfish? Look at yourself, you fucking git! You'd rather push me away. You'd rather me push away all my friends, the people I love, in fear. You don't want to believe that the friends I've made would stand up for me, protect me as I protect them. As I protect you."
She could literally feel her heart breaking the emotions finally overcame her and she finally broke into sobs. "But fine. Walk out that door. Do what you did in the first place and run. If you walk out that door, I will wish you hadn't reappeared, that you should've just kept running. Sirius Black or not."
With a quick movement, a silencing spell was cast on the door so no one could overhear them, given she just shouted what she was at the top of her lungs and despite everything, he didn’t want her to be found out even if she was not going to prevent it herself.
Remus stared at her for a moment. How could she not understand how it was? Did she really think everything would be just fine and dandy? How could she not blame him for not being there. If Greyback attacked and he was there – well he’d be a wolf at the time but still! Even as a wolf he could possibly have protected them if he had the wolfsbane, to keep his mind and defend them. But he had no way to get the potion, he had no money for it and it was extremely expensive. Not only that he wasn’t a great potion brewer. That was partly why he agreed to teach – he would have a limitless supply of the potion from Severus as per Dumbledore’s request.
“I have hurt people.”’ He pulls up his sleeve to show some scars that would never go away. “Unlike you, I haven’t been able to have the potion. That one you gave to me just now? That was the first time I’ve ever had it. They won’t just run away and avoid you – you will have death threats and possibly be hunted down and killed. You won’t be able to change the world because you’ll be dead. Your friends will be dead. Murdered. Nothing will change the way you’re going about this. You just have to accept it. You won’t ever be fully trusted by your friends. You could have saved them from being murdered if only you were more trustworthy, if only you weren’t – weren’t cursed.”
He sighs looking at the door and then back at Rose. He never raised his voice, mostly using a stern but calm tone. His sleeve was pulled down quickly. “James and Lily are dead. And so is Peter. Maybe I am being selfish. I don’t want you to have to learn the same way I did, have history repeat itself and you find yourself alone after tasting what you could have been. How things could have been if only one event didn’t happen. Sirius Black is exactly the reason you should be careful. He knows who you are, and he’ll likely target you to get to me. After all, he is a traitor.”
With that. He left the compartment and went to find a new one. At the very back he found an empty compartment, probably the only other one that was empty at this point and sat down, and settled into a sleep.
As soon as the door of the compartment clattered to a close she lost the strength to stand and collapsed in a heap on the bench behind her. She had just taken his finaly words silently, her emotions having worn her out to form any sort of response to this whole thing. All she knew was she was a mess. Her make up that hid the dark circles under her eyes was probably gone as well, she gave a heaving sigh, rubbing at her eyes effectively moving any and all of what was left. Hell, she didn't even have the will to cry anymore, she noticed, rubbing her arms. When did they turn the aircon on? Or had she not noticed it before, since she had been so angry?
It was then the trained screeched to a sudden stop, but she paid it no mind. Things like this happened often. It was probably just Harry Potter again, causing issues....