we are a low word count, any level of experience rp set in harry's 3rd year at hogwarts. students and adults alike are welcome! given we are set fairly early in the series, everything that happens from this point on will be up to us! perhaps sirius black will be cleared and peter arrested, or perhaps something darker lurks in the shadows...
Post by Rose Ameile Hunter on Jul 5, 2018 4:15:43 GMT
Constant Vigilance! She chanted to herself, she had learned the phrase from Dora, just the other day and it was really helping her self-esteem right now. Sure, she was still upset with her parents about the whole... succubus thing and Remus was as well, but regardless, she had been reminded of the letter from her mother. She had done a sneaky thing, probably shouldn't have, but too late to back out now. Another thing that burned in her mind was the watch her mother had sent her on the first day. She longed for Remus to accept the gift. But, alas, ear wax.
She found herself once again heading towards his office and another wave of longing to have meetings outside this often, crashed into her, but her brother was a private man. Plus he had some preconceived notion that if they found out she was related to him, that his lycanthropy would be revealed. Doubtful... Draco even knew about her furry problem (thanks to his father) and was for sure he knew about her relation to Remus Lupin (again, his father)... but if there was anyone in this school that could make rumors spread like fire it would be Draco, and yet; not a peep!
So honestly, she didn't think was a problem, maybe Draco was afraid that if she learned he had spread any sort of rumour, she would eat him. He was all bark and no bite, anyway. Or maybe Willow said something to him, she didn't know. Hell, she was surprised that, with Draco finding out she was dating Willow, that he hadn't said anything to try to make Willow hate her. Ie, reveal that she was a werewolf and Remus. It was curious, the mind of Draco Malfoy. He probably deemed the whole thing below him, even though the prospect of chaos it would cause.
Today she sat upon one of the desks, her legs swinging. The last couple of weeks she had felt like she had aged several years and she prided herself on the fact that she always felt young. She may be sixteen, but she was in the third year, with all the thirteen-year-olds; enhancing that feeling even more. Unless she was with Willow, and then that was just completely set out of perspective. She really did need to be careful with him... especially now.
At first, she had want4ed to run to him, after learning about her ability; but, over the weekend she had had a long hard think about it in the bath and decided, it was not worth the worry. If Willow was true, Willow was true, and like the full moon, all truth will be revealed in time. She was proud of how mature she was being, patting herself on the back. She would still tell him, of course. But not with as much panic and doubt she had before. No, she would give him the benefit of the doubt, and that her charm was just some pleasant added bonus to their relationship.
Yeah, that was good.
Beside her, sat a letter in a very fancy looking envelope which had Remus' name on it and the bar of chocolate that had come with the letter. It was Remus' favourite, not the cheap kind he usually gets.
Remus had been left wondering during the entire lesson for the patronus charm what letter Amelie had sent. He was dreading it even. Why did she decide to write him after all this time? He hadn’t written to her – or well sent the letter he had written at least. He was confused, and he had been thinking about it off and on during the lesson, trying to think of what she had to say to him. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to read it, whatever it was.
After the lesson had been complete he had made his way to his office where Rose had said she would leave the letter, running a hand through his hair when he stopped at the door to his office. Once he went in there, there was no turning back, he would have to decide to read it or not read it, and he wasn’t sure yet what he wanted to do. He had always been on fairly good terms with Rose, but he had left Amelie and his father in such a terrible way, he wondered how they couldn’t hate him for running out on them. Even if they ‘understood’ why he did so, they should be angry at the son who yelled and got so angry at them for something that wasn’t necessarily their fault if one thought of it logically.
Taking in a deep breath, he opened the door and soon was greeted by Rose already waiting inside. Of course, she was waiting for him. She wanted him and her parents to get along and he understood why – she loved all of them and wanted them to be happy together as a family again, but Remus didn’t think that was possible. Well that made his decision easier: he had to read it now that Rose was watching him. His eyes landed on the chocolate bar and he felt a tinge of guilt. They’d spent their hard-earned money on him.
He walked over to take the letter without a word, leaving the bar untouched, despite the temptation. “You can have the chocolate.” Slowly he opened the letter and started reading.
Post by Rose Ameile Hunter on Jul 6, 2018 16:24:33 GMT
With an undignified and rather unladylike snort and groan, she rolled her eyes. "I'm not a fan of that one, too sweet and, it's yours. Dummy."
She watched as he opened the letter. Hell, she hasn't even read it. Normally she screens anything. But what she DID notice though is that it was written on the back of the note he had trashed. She snickered, mother was clever, sometimes. She doubts anything her mother wrote was good. Maybe it was just her expressing that she was happy he was alive. Who knew. The letter looked rather short, or maybe it was a few pages, Rose couldn't really tell.
Remus,
You're probably aware by now that Rose corresponds as much as possible with your Father and I. Your father and I are happy to hear that you are doing well. [here, something is scratched out to be unreadable]
When Rose wrote me to tell me you were alive, I cried in relief. I have been hearing what it happening at school. Please be careful and watch over Rose. I know that man was your friend, Rose seems to have a theory that things are not what they seem. She is very idealistic, isn't she? Always finding the best in people even those she's never met. I guess she assumes that since he was your friend, that there must have been some misunderstanding. She tells me it just doesn't match up with the stories you used to tell of them. Like there was a rat among you and your friends.
Yet again, it seems I have failed in your eyes. I did not mean to let it get this far, thinking she had so much longer. But our little Rose is a sucker for romance, she's gotten herself in way over her head, hasn't she? Thank you for telling her and I'm sorry it had to be you. But, if I had to be honest if think it was best coming from you, as she trusts you with her life. You, who she feels closest too. And I thank you for that, looking over her with such warmth.
Rose tells me she's told you about the watch. I ask only what she asks of you, to consider it. We thought of you the entirety of the process in France. Every new discovery was something in her eyes that would help you. She's had no concern over herself. Just you.
I feel you should know that these things - the stronger wolfsbane, the watch. They wouldn't exist if not because of her. She was very brave. Very loyal. Cunning and Smart.
I'm realizing these letters are seeming very pointless. But I don't know how to express everything I'm feeling in ink. I do accept responsability for Rose's condition. That event should have been prevented. She should have been at Molly's and Arthurs. I had no business keeping watch over her on my own. Not with who I am. What I am doing. [there seems to be tears staining the paper here] I just hope that someday you'll forgive me.
Thank you for allowing Rose back into your heart. It means the world to your father and I. As we know you will protect her where we can't.
And she'll do the same for you if you give her the chance.
I'm sure Rose has already asked you to come home for Christmas... But with that man on the loose, I'm sure it will be hard for you. Even if just for the evening.
There was one final item, just behind the shorter notes. Seemingly written in a shaky hand, tears staining the page.
You have been on constant on my mind since you left that day. Your words ringing in my ears every moment. I was selfish and I failed. I failed to protect our darling Rose. This guilt eats at me, her pain, and yours. I blame myself for this. THe pain in your eyes when you left haunts me. I can understand if you wish to never see or speak to me again. But all I ask is please open your heart to our darling Rose. She is so lost with out you. She just isn't herself anymore. She cries every day for you. It breaks my heart and reminds me of how I failed the both of you. What can I do, Remus, the son of my heart.
There was no signature, but the tell-tale style of handwriting let them know it was indeed their mother. It was definitely several short notes. Probably things were written and saved up from each letter she had sent. Rose's jaw was clenched, as she looked at the wall as he read and she attempted to relax.
If he had read this when he was alone, he would have crumpled it up and thrown it away almost instantly. Instead, given Rose was there, he smiled at her, neatly folding it up and placing it in a pocket in his robes. There were too many things he was feeling right now – relief, guilt, anger, happiness, sadness – and he didn’t know how to express them adequately and so throwing the thing that caused such confusion would work the best, but he knew he couldn’t because Rose was here and looking at him expectantly. Only for a moment did his confusion as to what to feel show on his face before he returned a straight face.
“Ah, nothing really.” Remus took a seat in a chair in the office and leaned back, “Just the usual stuff. Told me about you and apologizing for me having to tell you about your… heritage.” Well, that was true, just not everything was included in that Remus. Stop trying to act like there’s nothing wrong when there’s everything wrong and you’re just barely able to keep up the stone wall holding back your confused emotions. He just didn’t want to worry her, this was his problem, not hers.
Post by Rose Ameile Hunter on Jul 6, 2018 20:03:31 GMT
Her jaw clenched and unclenched. She stared at him, considering his lie and sighed. She knew it wasn't going to be an automatic fix... But she wished he would talk to her about it. She honestly felt rather defeated. But she would give it a few days to figure out her next step.
Remus looked at her with a small sad smile. He didn’t mind taking care of people, but he didn’t like when people took care of him. It made him feel like he wasn’t doing enough. To spend the money of someone else. It was just wrong and he felt like a mooch when he accepted anything because he knew he couldn’t pay them back no matter how much he wanted.
“Chocolate isn’t taking care. It’s a treat, not necessary. Completely unnecessary in fact.” He looks at the candy bar and swallows. He really does want to have that chocolate but he’s too proud to take it. At least right now. “I’ll only take what I can pay back.”
Post by Rose Ameile Hunter on Jul 7, 2018 3:48:43 GMT
She groaned in frustration, wanting to smack him with the bar of chocolate. It was quite hefty too, it would probably hurt.
"I don't know if you're trying to avoid the subject, or you're just not listening."
She slammed the chocolate down in his desk and she felt it crack into pieces.
"Can't you stop feeling sorry for yourself for a minute and look around you? If you did, you'd see. You'd see the bigger picture. What you want is just within grasp."
She shoved the chocolate towards him.
"Yet you're stuck in your hole of self pity with no rope. How are you supposed to survive like that? I'm throwing you a rope to help you out. Dora is throwing you a rope. Mom and dad are throwing you a rope. Be a Gryffindor for Merlin's sake! Pick a rope and grab it! I don't care which one!"
She felt like she was rambling. But her emotions were getting the better of her. Her watch burned against her wrist.
His breath was still even and despite his outward demeanor, his heart was racing. It wasn’t out of fear necessarily. It was almost anger at her, at Amelie, at his father, at Sirius, at the world. He loved this world so much, but he also hated it at the same time. There was so much darkness and so much sadness and fear, and he couldn’t live in peace. For just a split second he was angry at the world and everything it was made up of because he couldn’t be happy because of what he was. However, it quickly faded as he took a deep breath and pinched his nose. That was when the sadness kicked in. Sadness he couldn’t be part of this wonderful world. Sadness he wasn’t normal and whatever he had with Dora was doomed to fail because of his affliction.
“I – I have a meeting with Dora on the first. In my office, though its not a date…” He sighed running a hand through his hair and looking to her with a sad look in his eyes, “I don’t want the rope to snap like it did with Sirius. Or – for it to be ripped away like with Peter, James, and Lily.” He could feel an actual pain in his heart as if someone was tugging it physically. “I –“ He could feel his calm exterior starting to break down and he covered his face swallowing as his throat began tense as if he were about to cry. “I miss them so much. I miss – I miss us. I miss… you. I – I’ve been living in fear of losing anyone I gave a ch-chance and – I just want them back. I want to have my parents back. I – But I can’t. It’s too – too painful. More painful to lose them than to fool myself that everything is alright because it’s not.”
Post by Rose Ameile Hunter on Jul 7, 2018 4:18:29 GMT
"When did we ever say that you had to pretend everything was alright? To fool yourself into thinking that? Even I know everything isn't alright. Why do you think I'm here, in your office, arguing with you? If I was 'alright' in your terms, I would have accepted you never wanted to see me again. I wouldn't have sought you out on the train. I wouldn't be here."
Her heart pounded against her rib cage. "It's about taking charge of your life and running it the way you want. To control your hardships. You've been running so long you've forgotten how to actually live."
She took a deep intake of breath.
"Nothing is alright about any if this. But it can be better."
One of his fists clenched at his side trying to control his breathing which was starting to get out of control as his throat continued to tighten up, hurting, as he forced his eyes to not allow those tears to fall. He quickly wiped a hand against his face to clear up those tears that had started to build in his eyes, not wanting – not wanting to seem weak, despite knowing she wouldn’t think any less of him for it.
“It can’t. Not for people like us. For those cursed like we are. I – I died when I was attacked despite Father coming and fighting him off. I might have been breathing and my heart beating, but I ceased to exist as an individual and became this – this empty husk. I fooled myself into thinking it was alright when I had my friends at school, but when they died it was a slap in the face that told me that none of it was real. It would never have lasted forever anyways.”
Damn it, his eyes were tearing up again, so he wiped his eyes again with his free hand leaving the other clenched at his side, his breaths not slowing down but at least not speeding up any longer.
“I want to not hurt anyone while I’m… not me. I want to be able to take care of myself. I don’t want to take charity from others. I don’t want to be taken care of. I want to be able to take care of those I care about. I want to be able to shower them with love and gifts. I don’t want to keep taking these jobs that I’m overqualified for and feel just fine with them because at least I have a job. I want to have friends and to be loved but I don’t want to hurt them. I don’t want to get too close and attack when I can’t control myself. That… that is more important than any sort of happiness for me. To protect others from myself.”
Post by Rose Ameile Hunter on Jul 7, 2018 5:04:30 GMT
She scoffed, hurt. "Oh, then, I must not be real either then."
Ugh! So frustrating. How could she get him to see? What could she do to help him live again? She sees the tears, the pain. It was all part of living. Empty husk. How can one with such complex emotions be an empty husk? To want all of these things?
"Remus, you didn't kill them! They were killed by Voldemort! You weren't the one that ratted them out! It's unfortunate they died, but it's not your fault!"
God, she wished she had more clues, more to go on for her theory. But she had been coming up with nothing, even with Tonks at her side. She gave a sigh, stepping towards him and pulling him into a hug. She knows he doesn't want her to see his tears, even though it's already too late. But she pretends she hasn't and gives him the ability to hide them from her, regardless.
"I can protect you too."
Her voice was low. "And if you'd just let me help; we can make all those things happen. You just have to let us help you, just once. Your life would change for the better. You'd see."
She attempted to control her trembling, but it was no use.
“If I weren’t this beast they might have trusted me with the secret! Or at least made Peter the Secret Keeper! Or one of themselves! They would’ve listened to me! I’m sure they thought I was the rat. Others of our kind was following him, thinking they’d have more rights if he won! Of course, they thought that I was a traitor, it was just in my nature! I know I would never but – but they didn’t. They knew I would do almost anything to be liked.”
His voice was slightly raised but not yelling. He was upset, angry – and oh, probably because he needed to drink his potion for the day given it was the day before the full moon. He pulled a bottle from his desk and started drinking, the nasty taste making him make a disgusted face. “I don’t want my life to change for the better. I deserve this solitude, this sadness. I don’t deserve to be happy or have a family. I deserve to be locked up in Azkaban with Sirius.”
Post by Rose Ameile Hunter on Jul 7, 2018 23:10:49 GMT
Her deep frown distorted her face.
"Moony, do you have so very little faith in your friends that they would even think that?"
She sighed, still hurt by his comment, but her brain was working again.
"The whole thing just seems... messed up. You know you would have died for them-" she gave a shuddering breath. "Than to rat them out, you know that, but they were protecting you from Greyback from coming after you again - because he would of - by not making you the secret keeper. But I'm telling you, something just isn't adding up, and it's bothered me for forever now. This whole story and the whole... Sirius killing Peter - it just... nothing makes sense at all."
That frown grew even deeper as she listened to her brother despair and she felt her heart break more. She didn't look upon him in pity though, he would not appreciate that. She kept her features schooled.
"No one deserves that, Moony. Not even you. You deserve to be treated like anyone else, regardless of what you're afflicted with."
With that, she gave a look at her watch and gave a distressed look, before looking at her brother with hurt, sad eyes, and then turned and left the room.
She couldn't deal with this more right now, it was too close to time.
